Alexander_McQueen_butterflies_hat_  

dear WHORANGE,

can i ever look like this?

love,
anonymous

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dear darling anonymous,

yes, you can!  in fact, you can look like this today, tomorrow, or any day in between.  your body is already smashing (at WHORANGE, we love them all), so the primary focus is the butterfly bonnet.

keep in mind, this bonnet was constructed by alexander mcqueen, but rest assured, we can cobble one together for much cheaper.  just keep your mind open and your expectations low.

okay, pour yourself a cocktail and let's boogie.

Dear_whorange_alexander_mcqueen_butterfly_hat 

1. glue a hollowed out styrofoam ball half (big enough for the crown of your head) to the inside of a flowery swimming cap.

2. hot glue butterflies to floral wire (i prefer 32 gauge), or purchase preaffixed butterflies, which are available at most craft stores.

3. using a wide sewing needle, poke holes in swimming cap.  poke butterfly wire ends through cap and styrofoam.

4. bend end of wires so they are flush with the underside of styrofoam.

5.  once you've poked all of the butterflies through, duct tape wires to the underside of styrofoam to cover wires. glue a piece of fabric on top of the duct tape (optional).

6. apply lip plumper, eye shimmer pigment in old gold, photo finish lipstick in lavish, black liquid liner in angel heart, and false lashes.

7. strip naked.

8. press tape across your chest and pose accordingly.

(questions, queries, or dilemmas?  drop me a line at [email protected].  if you begin your email with "dear WHORANGE., your hair looks fantastic today," you may receive a speedier reply).