help! my boyfriend loves bacon and ribs and i am a tried and true vegetarian.  i want to cook him a nice red meat meal for his birthday, but i have no idea where to start or how to cook anything animal related.  any advice?


flagstaff, AZ



darling miss paula,


mr. bacon and sir steak have not crossed my lips for over 500 years.  however, i've found that if you cook anything with maple syrup, you're pretty much good to go.


in the meantime, i've selected a small sampling of craveable meats for you and your carnivorous man.  no cooking required!


stay pretty,
above left to right, top to bottom:  bacon alarm clock;  wishbone necklace (120.00);  cannibal kingdom napkins (12.00);  plush sweet meats melody (64.95);  bacon soap (5.95);  BLT candles (33.95); mark ryden and paul frank meat purse (occasionally on ebay);  bacon flavored toothpicks (4.95);  nice piece of meat card (5.00);  gorgeous hunk of meat card (5.00);  nicole gastongua cheeseburger (200.00);  nicole gastongua hot dog (80.00).

questions, queries, or dilemmas?  drop me a line at [email protected].  if you begin your email with "dear WHORANGE, your hair looks fantastic today," you may receive a speedier reply.