LESSON LEARNED FROM PAT NIXON'S HAIR:

Hairspray -- much like health care -- is a RIGHT, not a privilege.

last month i attended my cousin's wedding at the nixon library in yorba linda, ca.

i must admit, if it weren't for my lovely cousin's nuptials, i probably never would have entered the doors of tricky dick's library.  after all, i am a hippie-raised, left wing, 18 1/2 minute-curious, pinko commie, homo-loving son of a gun.  i expected to be arrested and carried away on the spot.

the docents spared me, however, and pointed me in the direction of the exhibits where i stumbled upon a life-sized statue of mao tse-tung (no controversy there!), mad men style TV sets, and a whole lot of dick.

but my fav was a yellow damask wall displaying a portrait of pat nixon sporting a rock hard, strawberry blonde bouffant.  i couldn't resist posing beneath pat with my low side bun.

(of course, one day, i'll be rocking the betty draper do.  and when that day comes...i, too, will be first lady.)